May 2023

intent.

Edition #2

Angelique Michelle sitting on the steps of The Great Wall of China.

I was not prepared when I began listening to Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong. I will confess. I’ve heard of Ali Wong in passing, but I’m not familiar at all with her body of work. I’m not someone who can name many celebrities and the ones I can place a face to a name are even fewer.

When this audio book came up as recommended for me, I leaped at the chance to hear what Ms. Wong deemed to be important enough to share with not only her children, but the world. I’m always fascinated by what life events, experiences, and lessons other people have stored away as core memories. (Hence the intent. article series that you can check out here.)

So, I dived into the audio book during my morning walks. I struggled. Not because it’s a hard listen but because Ms. Wong story tells in a way that is completely different to what I’m used to. She speaks with passion, humor, and lot of profanity. On top of that, the topics of conversation were not something I could ever imagine telling the world.

Ali Wong is sitting in a chair with her leg kicked up.

Personally, I would be hesitant to discuss such things with my closest friends, let alone my daughters by way of the world. There is strength, power, and courage in what Ms. Wong has done. She didn’t just open up on stage for a comedy performance. She branched out into literature and bared her soul to new audiences who might not be aware of her style or credentials. For that, I am in awe.

Let’s take a look at some of what Ms. Wong had to say that resonated with me. What I want to know is how people, women in particular, work hard to achieve their goals and build the life they want to lead. Ali Wong states, “The answers to making it, to me, are a lot more universal than anyone’s race or gender, and center on having a tolerance for delayed gratification, a passion for the craft, and a willingness to fail.”

I’m not sure about you, but my biggest issue is delayed gratification. If I don’t see immediate results, then doubt begins to set in. Is this working? Have I done it correctly? What if it fails? What if others witness said failure? Is it worth doing?

The answer to all these questions is passion. Having a passion for the craft will make all those questions mute. Don’t misunderstand me, passion does not always put food on the table. It won’t pay bills. Yet, it is important to have. I will work on not doubting myself and allowing my passion projects time to blossom and bloom, and even fail if they must.

Ali Wong wearing glasses with her hand up near her hair and her face.

Here’s another piece of advice from Ms. Wong that hit home for me. “Let go of seeing yourself as nothing more than an Asian American woman. Ask yourself who you are outside of that. Challenge yourself to get out of the community.” I am proud to be a Black American woman. While that affects every aspect of my life, it doesn’t negate the fact that I am human. I don’t want to always be perceived in the scope of a Black woman. Often times, I just want to be.

It’s important to acknowledge intersectionality and the limitations and bias that is placed on us when we are only seen as our race, class, sexual orientation, gender, etc. Yet, it is important to step outside of those molds and experience the world, and have the world experience us.

How can we do that? Ms. Wong says, “When in doubt, go out.” So, go to the party, eat the food, take the trip, learn the language, experience the culture, try new things, meet new people, and truly learn yourself outside of the labels that society has given you.

As ever,

Angelique Michelle

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